I knew that moving to Logan was going to be an awfully difficult transition for me... and guess what, it sure has been. I'm not 100% sure why, but I have struggled. I think the biggest problem I am having is feeling like I'm not progressing in life. I feel like I'm back in the same old place I spent so much of my life, still single, working in a family business that brings a whole lot of struggles in and of itself, and just not having any idea what the purpose is in my being here.
My sweet sister just announced this week that she and her cute little family are moving to Salt Lake City, which has come as a hard blow! Don't get me wrong... I am extremely excited for her and her family, but I'm not going to lie... one of the reasons I felt like I was supposed to move back to Logan was to have the opportunity to be close to her, well that just got ripped out from under my feet. I'm trying to cope, but it's hard to hear her and my other siblings talk about all the play dates they are going to have with each other. I just feel so OUT OF PLACE in every aspect of my life. Pretty much it stinks.
Anywho, I didn't start this blog to vent about how crummy my life feels at the moment... I actually plan on doing exactly the opposite. I've been struggling to see the hand of the Lord in my life, and quite frankly have been having a really crummy attitude about life in general. It's time to get over myself and realize that even though at this point I don't have the life I had hoped for or expected, I still have a wonderful, incredible life!
I love the talk that was given by Henry B. Eyring in the October 2007 Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I've included a couple of paragraphs from the talk titled, "O Remember, Remember." If you would like to read the whole talk here is the link!
Elder Eyring would write down each day of his life how he had seen the hand of God blessing his family. He said this...
"Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.
More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened."
I guess that I'm hoping that as I choose to see the hand of the Lord in my life, I too will have gratitude and testimony grow in my heart. I have been struggling to really feel the love of God evident in my life, and could use a boost to my spiritual well being.
So, what is it today that I am grateful for!?!?
I'm grateful for Primary Children...
...who seem to get the gospel even when it seems like they are not listening to a word you say! I had the chance to sit with my Mom's primary class today because she was home sick and I'm grateful for their sweet, innocent testimonies!
I'm grateful for Missionaries...
...who are willing to sacrifice so much and really put their lives on hold to reach out to others. I'm grateful that the Lord allows the youth of the church to serve missions where they are able to find themselves and also find incredible testimonies. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to serve the Lord for 18 months and the person I became in doing so!
I'm grateful for Visiting Teachers...
...Shawnee came for a visit today and it was just nice to know that somebody cares enough to take some time out of their day to come for a visit. I have been feeling really alone in life and like no one gets what I'm going through! In talking with Shawnee though, it was nice to know that she is also at times wondering what her purpose is and what it is the Lord wants from her at this point!
Even though I find myself feeling like I'm treading water, I do know that there is a God. I know that he loves me dearly, that he is allowing me to tread water for a reason and it is making me a stronger person in the end. For the most part, I feel like I'm doing ok with keeping my head above the water, but some days I do allow myself to sink somewhat and just let the tears poor down. I have had a few of those days this past week but hope to once again find myself above water, able to breathe and find meaning with where I am at!
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